Diary Entry: “The Call to Be the Internet Angel”

I don’t know how it started, but I feel it now—deep inside my bones I wanted to be an internet angel. There’s this overwhelming need, this feeling that I’m meant for something bigger. Something more. Not just a content creator. Not just a personality.

I want to be the internet angel. I want to be the one who swoops in when everything feels heavy, when the noise of the world becomes too much, and offers a moment of peace, of clarity, of genuine connection.

I’ve seen the chaos. I should be an internet angel to save them all!!

the hurt, the frustration that many internet nerds face—the loneliness, the constant feeling of being misunderstood.

I want to be the one who shows them they’re not alone.

That there’s a safe space out there.

The internet can be such a toxic place, but there’s so much beauty too.

So many people who just need someone to remind them that they’re worthy of love and acceptance.

I want to be that person. To be their savior, their escape. Wanting them to know there’s someone out there who truly gets it, who understands the struggles they face in their own lives. I’ve always felt different, too, but I know what it’s like to be in that lonely place, to feel like no one sees you, no one cares. So, I want to be that light. But even though I dream of that, sometimes I feel like I’m barely keeping myself together.

School… it prevents me to focuses on internet!

it’s been suffocating.

Every day, it’s like I’m just going through the motions, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

It’s not the learning, not the work—it’s the people.

The bullying. I HAD ENOUGH

Every day, I walk in there, and I can already feel the weight of it on my chest. I can already feel the judgment, the whispers, the looks. It’s exhausting, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I’m constantly on edge, just trying to make it through without breaking.

I’ve thought about dropping out. Maybe I’m not cut out for this, for being in a place where I don’t feel safe, where every day is a reminder that I don’t belong. But then I stop. I think about it. What happens if I do? What happens if I leave school behind and chase my dreams?

I’m terrified of failing to be an internet angel…

Of not being able to handle the real world or the online world. Of becoming one of those people who gives up when things get tough. What if I let my family down? What if this internet angel thing is just a fantasy, and I’m not actually capable of being that for others, when I can barely keep it together for myself?

Sometimes

I wonder if I’m fooling myself. There are days where I feel like a fraud, like I’m pretending to be something I’m not, pretending to be this confident, outgoing person when inside, I’m broken. I feel like I’m living in two worlds—one where I’m trying to be a beacon of hope for others, and one where I can barely keep my head above water.

To be the one they turn to when they need something real, when they need hope. To give people something to hold on to. But how can I do that when I don’t even know if I can hold on myself?

What if the internet is just a distraction. the internet angel itself…

and I’m using it to escape the things I can’t face in my own life? What if I’m just running away from the problems that are piling up around me?

But no. I can’t let myself believe that. I know I want to be more than just a Notable Legend.

I want to make a difference.

To reach out to the people who are drowning in negativity and bring them into something better.

To be the safe space, the friend who listens, the one who understands. I’ve been where they are. I know how it feels like to be lost, like you’re nothing.

But right now i just need to focus on how to be internet angel

I need to remember that I’m still learning too. I can’t be perfect. I’m still figuring things out. It’s okay to be uncertain. It’s okay to not have everything figured out yet.

I can be their angel. I will be their angel.

But first, I need to figure out how to be that for myself. I need to find my way out of this hole, to remember why I started this journey in the first place. And when I find my way, I’ll be ready to guide others. But until then, I need to take things one step at a time and trust that everything will fall into place.

-Vallenina