Diary entry: I feel like losing half of my life

Cancan, he was my cat.

 

Can’t shake the image of him in the landfill. The poor thing. I feel like a monster. He was just lying there, his mouth open with that horrible wound—he looked like something out of a nightmare. It feels like everything in my life is falling apart, and it’s hard to focus on anything but the hollow, aching guilt in my chest. I wanted to help, but everything felt out of reach.

I thought I could somehow scrape together the money for a vet visit, but it’s impossible. A million just isn’t something I can get, and now it’s too late. I should’ve acted sooner, and done something before things got this bad. But here I am, stuck with nothing but my own self-loathing. How did I get here?

I can’t even bring myself to look at my reflection, because all I see is a failure. Not just for the cat, but for everything else too. The school stuff, the VTuber dreams—it all feels like too much sometimes. The pressure’s building, and it’s hard to breathe under it.

 

IM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOWWW!!!!!!!!

I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix this. I don’t know if I can. But it’s like I’m trapped in this feeling of emptiness, and nothing I do makes it go away. I can’t undo what happened to him. I can’t go back. All I can do is sit with this feeling of loss. And I’m not sure if that’s something I can survive.

But I have to keep moving, right? I have to try, even if it’s hard to believe there’s any point anymore..

The Memories Of cancan my siamese cat how cute AUGHAUGHAUGUAHAG

AA